Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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