yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
