I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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