Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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