your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
