I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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