I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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