I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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