Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
