Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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