A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
