You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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