feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
