If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
