sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
