he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
