I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
