Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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