And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
