are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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