I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
