we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we're making bets on your personal life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
