My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize