nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
