My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
