this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How naked do you want me to be?
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