what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
