I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
