dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
