my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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