i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
