my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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