i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
