yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
