Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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