thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
