You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
