the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
