kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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