I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
