When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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