I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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