It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
