I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
