I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
