I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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