I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
