Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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