Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
