my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
