after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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