Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
