i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
