A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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