Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
