she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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