Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
