fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
