He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
bring money and cleavage
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
