is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
